MC-Sammie
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It really sucks knowing how close I was to losing two important people in my life. It sucks knowing you were one of the first to find out that one of you're BEST friends has died in a car accident. I'm still shocked and all these feelings are hard to single out. Hurt, worry, pain, depression, anger, relief, shock, feeling numb. There are a lot more emotions and feelings, but it's hard to shift my mind through it all. I don't wanna think. I don't even wanna be awake right now. And I think I can say for everyone else who lost our great friend, that we all wish it was a dream. But it's not. The cold, hard, and cruelly unfair reality is... that it's not a dream. It's the real world taking place. And it don't care how old or young... it's just takes and takes. It hurts. It really does hurt. And all I wanna do is runaway until everything feels better. I wanna go be with my friend who's still alive, in the hospital... and just be with her. Hold her hand and let her know that I'll never let anything like this happen to her again. Because she's gonna carry the guilt of killing Debbie all on HER OWN shoulders. When it was my fault I sent that fucking text. It was my fault the Liz was distracted. And it's my fault that Liz is gonna carry that guilt now and forever. Everyone I told won't believe me. The refuse to believe that I got Debbie killed because I sent Liz that text. And every time I look back at that text, I can't help but feel that, that was the last thing Liz read before they got hit by that fucking silver pickup.
GOD!! How I hate whoever was driving that pickup!! Why couldn't he have ran off the rode... away from Liz and Debbie?? Why did the minivan have to hit Liz's car from behind!! It's my fault she wasn't paying attention. It's the minivan's fault that she swerved into the wrong lane. And it was the pickup's fault for T-boning the passenger side. Fuck that pickup!! And fuck myself too.
So now I'm stuck with going back to the reports that tell me everything. The pictures that show every goddamned detail. I still go back to the text i sent because I refuse to delete the thread. I keep looking at the location your phone sent me, and the timing in which all of this took pace. And then I think... why wasn't it me who was driving with you?? Why wasn't I in the place of Debbie? I'm usually with you all the time, and this time I wasn't. And then I find myself going to your Facebook page Liz. I end up looking at your pictures, and wishing how I want to so desperately go back and stop myself from sending that fucking text. How I wish I knew what I know now, and use it to stop you from ever getting out of bed on Friday. Because now I'm left with this pain of knowing how close I was to losing you. How so fucking close I was to never being able to tell you how I really feel about you. It scares me to know that this could've been the last time that I would ever talk to you. And looking at your pictures makes me think of how unbelievably beautiful you are. And how by just looking at your smile, I feel like nothing can break me. And then I think back to that ridiculously long message I sent you ,on Facebook, right after I learned that you were stable.
"I know you won't read this until you get out or feel better, or whatever, but I wanted to tell you that I do love you. And I know it's been a
month, yes I'm still counting, but you are one of the most important people of my life. (By the way The 3rd, will be a month, the 10th will 5
weeks. The 17th will be 6 weeks, the 24th 7 weeks, and then by the 3rd of March, it'll be two months.) I can't imagine my life without you now,
even if that means we just talk. Because I love talking to you, and I love it when you talk to me. You really did change me, and because of you, I
don't really care what others think of me. On whatever it is I choose to do. You also showed me that it's not so bad to open up to someone and
tell them things they would never say in reality. And I will never take our relationship for granted. And I know you're gonna be okay and get
through this because you're a goddamned winner. You win at everything, and you ARE the champion of everything. You're a fighter, and a warm
friend. You're beautiful beyond imagination, and you are a brilliantly lit star to where no one can steel your light. I want you to know that I
cherish every moment we spend together, and I nail every word you say to me, in my head, and to my heart so that I can hear what you say
when you're not around. I love you Elizabeth, I will always love you. Nothing will change that, and nobody will make me feel differently. You NEED
to know that I will always be there for you, even if I'm miles away, I will ALWAYS be a phone call away. And if you really need me, I'll do all I can
to rush to your side and make sure that YOU WILL BE FINE. Better than fine!! Please Liz, I want... no I need you to know this, because if you
don't I think I might just consider the all-too-easy possibility of falling apart. And if you don't feel the same way, I understand. I understand
cause you've been hurt and betrayed. I understand because you have a wonderfully, loving girlfriend, who probably cares for you more than
anyone else can ever imagine. I just need you to know this because it's all in my head, and my heart, and I can hardly contain myself when I
think of your honest-to god, adorably intoxicating smile. And I'm sorry it took me until now, to find the words to tell you this, but in all honesty, I
still don't think I've found the right words to describe to you how I feel about you. I don't think there are any words worthy enough to define how
I honestly feel about you, and how magnificently, amazing you truly are. I just need you to know this, and that this only a little bit of my feelings
for you.
-Sammie C."
And I'm sorry it only took me until now... until this terrible accident... to realize how important it was for me to tell her this. Even if she is with someone else or not. I should've been smart enough to NOT keep this from her. I mean, there's a lot more I have to say... everything we've done so far. Every moment we've spent together. Every word, or spoke thought. I've kept every single memory looked away in my head because nobody has ever been so important to me before, besides my adoptive mother. And I want to cry, but not for the reasons everyone else thinks. I want to cry because I didn't drive up to the hospital as soon as I heard. I want to cry because instead of me, Debbie had to die. She never had to die. She was better than me, and she deserved to live longer then 18, 19 years. I want to cry because I almost lost you and because I don't know what else to do anymore. But I can't because everyone else needs a solid shoulder to stand on right now. Everyone else needs to grieve before me. Everyone needs to get better before I do or else I'll feel selfish. And I won't cry. I won't because everyone needs a strong role model right now, and I need to be one of those role models. I don't have to cry yet because I need to be strong and carry everyone on my shoulders for as long as I'm needed right now.
GOD!! How I hate whoever was driving that pickup!! Why couldn't he have ran off the rode... away from Liz and Debbie?? Why did the minivan have to hit Liz's car from behind!! It's my fault she wasn't paying attention. It's the minivan's fault that she swerved into the wrong lane. And it was the pickup's fault for T-boning the passenger side. Fuck that pickup!! And fuck myself too.
So now I'm stuck with going back to the reports that tell me everything. The pictures that show every goddamned detail. I still go back to the text i sent because I refuse to delete the thread. I keep looking at the location your phone sent me, and the timing in which all of this took pace. And then I think... why wasn't it me who was driving with you?? Why wasn't I in the place of Debbie? I'm usually with you all the time, and this time I wasn't. And then I find myself going to your Facebook page Liz. I end up looking at your pictures, and wishing how I want to so desperately go back and stop myself from sending that fucking text. How I wish I knew what I know now, and use it to stop you from ever getting out of bed on Friday. Because now I'm left with this pain of knowing how close I was to losing you. How so fucking close I was to never being able to tell you how I really feel about you. It scares me to know that this could've been the last time that I would ever talk to you. And looking at your pictures makes me think of how unbelievably beautiful you are. And how by just looking at your smile, I feel like nothing can break me. And then I think back to that ridiculously long message I sent you ,on Facebook, right after I learned that you were stable.
"I know you won't read this until you get out or feel better, or whatever, but I wanted to tell you that I do love you. And I know it's been a
month, yes I'm still counting, but you are one of the most important people of my life. (By the way The 3rd, will be a month, the 10th will 5
weeks. The 17th will be 6 weeks, the 24th 7 weeks, and then by the 3rd of March, it'll be two months.) I can't imagine my life without you now,
even if that means we just talk. Because I love talking to you, and I love it when you talk to me. You really did change me, and because of you, I
don't really care what others think of me. On whatever it is I choose to do. You also showed me that it's not so bad to open up to someone and
tell them things they would never say in reality. And I will never take our relationship for granted. And I know you're gonna be okay and get
through this because you're a goddamned winner. You win at everything, and you ARE the champion of everything. You're a fighter, and a warm
friend. You're beautiful beyond imagination, and you are a brilliantly lit star to where no one can steel your light. I want you to know that I
cherish every moment we spend together, and I nail every word you say to me, in my head, and to my heart so that I can hear what you say
when you're not around. I love you Elizabeth, I will always love you. Nothing will change that, and nobody will make me feel differently. You NEED
to know that I will always be there for you, even if I'm miles away, I will ALWAYS be a phone call away. And if you really need me, I'll do all I can
to rush to your side and make sure that YOU WILL BE FINE. Better than fine!! Please Liz, I want... no I need you to know this, because if you
don't I think I might just consider the all-too-easy possibility of falling apart. And if you don't feel the same way, I understand. I understand
cause you've been hurt and betrayed. I understand because you have a wonderfully, loving girlfriend, who probably cares for you more than
anyone else can ever imagine. I just need you to know this because it's all in my head, and my heart, and I can hardly contain myself when I
think of your honest-to god, adorably intoxicating smile. And I'm sorry it took me until now, to find the words to tell you this, but in all honesty, I
still don't think I've found the right words to describe to you how I feel about you. I don't think there are any words worthy enough to define how
I honestly feel about you, and how magnificently, amazing you truly are. I just need you to know this, and that this only a little bit of my feelings
for you.
-Sammie C."
And I'm sorry it only took me until now... until this terrible accident... to realize how important it was for me to tell her this. Even if she is with someone else or not. I should've been smart enough to NOT keep this from her. I mean, there's a lot more I have to say... everything we've done so far. Every moment we've spent together. Every word, or spoke thought. I've kept every single memory looked away in my head because nobody has ever been so important to me before, besides my adoptive mother. And I want to cry, but not for the reasons everyone else thinks. I want to cry because I didn't drive up to the hospital as soon as I heard. I want to cry because instead of me, Debbie had to die. She never had to die. She was better than me, and she deserved to live longer then 18, 19 years. I want to cry because I almost lost you and because I don't know what else to do anymore. But I can't because everyone else needs a solid shoulder to stand on right now. Everyone else needs to grieve before me. Everyone needs to get better before I do or else I'll feel selfish. And I won't cry. I won't because everyone needs a strong role model right now, and I need to be one of those role models. I don't have to cry yet because I need to be strong and carry everyone on my shoulders for as long as I'm needed right now.
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Tribute To Moosie
2 min read
These words cannot express the pain I'm in,
it's hard to find my familiar grin.
These tears I cannot hold within,
I feel as if I didn't win.
And as more tear trails begin,
we must fight through this thick,
to get to the thin.
We all have lost a kind friend,
who came to a quick end.
But hands must be lent,
and no more feelings bents.
We must pull through and smile,
and say "She's only gone for this short while."
Take this next step, not in miles,
but in strong footfalls, gearing for this fight.
Stand tall with all your might,
and don't back don't without a plausible fright.
Yes I know, what happened last night,
but now we're in the light,
so we must hold together... good and tight.
My dear, you were brutally taken,
but let's not be mistaken,
and say Buddha has forsaken... us.
Debbie, you will be missed,
so with this last warming kiss,
I say "Go back to you homeland of bliss."
Moosie... you ARE a one of a kind friend, a loving daughter with lovely parents. You ARE an amazing sister, and big hearted lover. I'm glad, more than glad, exctaticed that I had the opportunity to meet such an amazing person like you. You have tuched so many hearts, and left so many people with real smiles. Nobody will hever forget you and you will always be loved. And I know as you go to be with Buddha, you will be in the arms of a great man, and a warm, loving home. Now I know you're looking down on all of us, and will be letting us know that you're always here for us... in OUR HEARTS. I love you Moosie, so much that I can't find the right/proper words to express myself. I know others loved you too, and I just hope, and pray that you are in a better place and one day, we'll get to see each other again.
it's hard to find my familiar grin.
These tears I cannot hold within,
I feel as if I didn't win.
And as more tear trails begin,
we must fight through this thick,
to get to the thin.
We all have lost a kind friend,
who came to a quick end.
But hands must be lent,
and no more feelings bents.
We must pull through and smile,
and say "She's only gone for this short while."
Take this next step, not in miles,
but in strong footfalls, gearing for this fight.
Stand tall with all your might,
and don't back don't without a plausible fright.
Yes I know, what happened last night,
but now we're in the light,
so we must hold together... good and tight.
My dear, you were brutally taken,
but let's not be mistaken,
and say Buddha has forsaken... us.
Debbie, you will be missed,
so with this last warming kiss,
I say "Go back to you homeland of bliss."
Moosie... you ARE a one of a kind friend, a loving daughter with lovely parents. You ARE an amazing sister, and big hearted lover. I'm glad, more than glad, exctaticed that I had the opportunity to meet such an amazing person like you. You have tuched so many hearts, and left so many people with real smiles. Nobody will hever forget you and you will always be loved. And I know as you go to be with Buddha, you will be in the arms of a great man, and a warm, loving home. Now I know you're looking down on all of us, and will be letting us know that you're always here for us... in OUR HEARTS. I love you Moosie, so much that I can't find the right/proper words to express myself. I know others loved you too, and I just hope, and pray that you are in a better place and one day, we'll get to see each other again.
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Secret Crush
1 min read
Haha, I have this crush right?
Please keep it secr- hush tight.
I know you don't like me girl,
but it would kill my world,
if you didn't just stay the night.
You got my head spinning,
the way your lips are grinning.
Please stop the taunting,
you sweet voice is haunting...
Sweetie, you're always winning!
We can keep this simple,
so we don't cause a ripple.
Why don't we just dance...?
I'll try to watch my hands.
Baby, you got my heart crippled.
For you, I can afford to wait.
Cause for some reason... you're in my fate.
Let's forget that deadline,
cause with on smile, I'm all fine.
At least this friendship, I can't hate.
Please keep it secr- hush tight.
I know you don't like me girl,
but it would kill my world,
if you didn't just stay the night.
You got my head spinning,
the way your lips are grinning.
Please stop the taunting,
you sweet voice is haunting...
Sweetie, you're always winning!
We can keep this simple,
so we don't cause a ripple.
Why don't we just dance...?
I'll try to watch my hands.
Baby, you got my heart crippled.
For you, I can afford to wait.
Cause for some reason... you're in my fate.
Let's forget that deadline,
cause with on smile, I'm all fine.
At least this friendship, I can't hate.
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I'm Kinda Lesbian
2 min read
I love your taste.
So I'll lick you good,
but not in haste.
That'd be a waste.
Baby,
I'll fuck you right
Damn girl,
you're so tight
We fit just right.
I'm no man,
but holy damn,
I'm not a sham.
Let you moan,
as I groan.
I'll beat you blunt,
as long as you grunt.
Just let me fuck,
your oh so nice cunt.
I'm not frontin',
I'm just stuntin'.
This ain't a dream.
Girl,
I'll make you scream.
I just wanna taste your cream.
So let it stream.
Feel my finger,
as I linger,
inside of you.
One. Two. Three. Two.
Kiss you down,
as I lick your crown.
Suck your tit,
as I rub your clit.
I love your fit,
of your swollen slit.
Grab me.
Bite me
Scratching... clawing.
I'm not one for domination.
But please no bawling.
Don't tell your boy... friend,
if I use our toy... again.
Here's the climax,
as I play you at the local I-Max.
As you bust out,
I can't doubt,
that you don't want me to lick you out.
So there you cum,
I'll suck you some,
until your done.
Ha-Ha...
I guess I am a sex bum.
So I'll lick you good,
but not in haste.
That'd be a waste.
Baby,
I'll fuck you right
Damn girl,
you're so tight
We fit just right.
I'm no man,
but holy damn,
I'm not a sham.
Let you moan,
as I groan.
I'll beat you blunt,
as long as you grunt.
Just let me fuck,
your oh so nice cunt.
I'm not frontin',
I'm just stuntin'.
This ain't a dream.
Girl,
I'll make you scream.
I just wanna taste your cream.
So let it stream.
Feel my finger,
as I linger,
inside of you.
One. Two. Three. Two.
Kiss you down,
as I lick your crown.
Suck your tit,
as I rub your clit.
I love your fit,
of your swollen slit.
Grab me.
Bite me
Scratching... clawing.
I'm not one for domination.
But please no bawling.
Don't tell your boy... friend,
if I use our toy... again.
Here's the climax,
as I play you at the local I-Max.
As you bust out,
I can't doubt,
that you don't want me to lick you out.
So there you cum,
I'll suck you some,
until your done.
Ha-Ha...
I guess I am a sex bum.
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Follow Me Darling
1 min read
Get in the passenger seat,
we're escaping reality.
You can sleep on the way,
I swear you'll have sanity.
Let me hold your hand,
and drag you to Limbo.
This is just a surprise,
you'll like where we go.
I can piggyback you,
down the rabbit hole.
Keel your eyes closed,
this is good for souls.
Hold on tight darling,
I'll take you to Wonderland.
I promise this is real,
now won't this be grand.
My dear London girl look
through the looking glass.
You can read a mad book,
but slowly, not too fast.
we're escaping reality.
You can sleep on the way,
I swear you'll have sanity.
Let me hold your hand,
and drag you to Limbo.
This is just a surprise,
you'll like where we go.
I can piggyback you,
down the rabbit hole.
Keel your eyes closed,
this is good for souls.
Hold on tight darling,
I'll take you to Wonderland.
I promise this is real,
now won't this be grand.
My dear London girl look
through the looking glass.
You can read a mad book,
but slowly, not too fast.
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